Great Relationships don’t just happen, Love is not enough
Helping couples feel seen, heard and celebrated in their relationship. Giving couples the tips and tools to build a great relationship.
we are all in relationships, either friendships, families or romantic relationships. These can be difficult to manage at times, I believe the tools that I learnt through life coaching are of great benefit when it comes to managing our relationships.
Hi, I’m Lisa
Northern Irelands leading relationship coach and founder of Relationship Coaching NI.
My husband and I have been together since we were 18 and I can honestly say I am more in love with him now than ever. We used the tools and learning that I received during my training and it has enhanced our relationship beyond belief. I want to share this knowledge with others. I want relationship coaching to become a normal thing and take away the shame and guilt when it comes to educating ourselves.
Expectations Meeting Reality,
the biggest source of arguments.
Lisa Mcfarland
Let’s get your relationship back on track by beating the odds!
Firstly, I want to say well done for looking into ways in which you can improve your relationship. Too often I see people jump ship the minute things get difficult or wait until they have reached the point (of what they believe to be) of no return and leave a relationship without understanding that there could have been another outcome.
Did you know:
- That over 70% of couples are now breaking up within their first year of being married?
- That almost 20% of couples in the UK are now thinking about ending their relationship?
- That over 50% of men and women commit infidelity in one of their relationships?
But I am not surprised as we have no idea what we are doing. No education and then shame and guilt when it comes to asking for help. We get an education on everything. But when it comes to the most difficult thing, relationships, nothing, just jump in and hope for the best…this is absolute madness. Recent studies show that couples spend on average 35 minutes per week together, shocking!
And the reason for that?
Quality relationships don’t just happen, we need to work on them (more than 35 minutes per week), we need to understand them and sometimes we need support to nourish and fulfil them.
On a weekly basis people invest time in their fitness, their hobbies, their work, their children, their friends and their family…just think…what would happen if you didn’t invest your time in those things?
Now, how much time would you say you and your person invest in your relationship?
If we are being honest, it probably comes last on the list (if at all). Its hard to juggle everything, I know, but now that we know its needed, its simply a case of understanding how to invest in your relationship and thats where I come in.
By combining relationship research and my insights from working with and studying relationships over the last ten years I have created my unique ‘4 C’s formula’ that is designed to:
-
Guide you through those awkward silences without hours (sometimes days) of huffing -
COMMUNICATION -
Overcome those recurring arguments before those hurtful and damaging words get thrown about -
CONFLICT -
Remove those intimacy barriers without the fear and embarrassment of rejection -
CONNECTION -
Have a deeper understanding of your own individual needs to ensure you are filling your own cup -
CONFIDENCE
Just like a PT in your local gym, I am here to coach you and your partner on how to hold space for each other, how to prioritize your relationship.
Will this work for my relationship?
If you love each other and you both want your connection and intimacy back, then yes. Now, its not always the case that you both feel the same way about each other and what your future holds, but as long as you are both prepared to have a conversation about your relationship, that is the perfect starting point.
Usually at the start of your relationship ‘work out’ you will find yourself experiencing some (or all) of the following:
- Exhaustion from having the same argument over and over again
- Feeling lonely, unsupported and unheard by your parter
- Avoiding difficult conversations as you don’t know where its going to end up
- Periods of ‘the silent treatment’ as you believe you are right and they are wrong
- Lack of hand holding, kissing or sex because you are no long in the mood or attracted to each other
- Lots of love for each other but wondering if you are more ‘friends’ than ‘partners’
- Hiding from the issues by busing yourself with the kids or work and everything inbetween
- Feeling like a lone parent because you can’t agree on parenting techniques
- Remeniscing on the good old days and wishing you could get back to how it was when you first met
- Wondering would you be happier if you walked away from the relationship
- Looking at other couples and thinking…why can’t we be that happy!
And if you can relate to any (or all) of the above, then I am delighted to tell you that, you no longer need to feel alone, these are the most common relationship problems that I come across, but the great news is, that while it won’t happen overnight, if you are committed to wanting a beautiful, connected, long-lasting relationship together and are prepared to get a little uncomfortable and so some reprogramming, you will see results
It’s not going to work for us!
When it comes to couples wanting to work on their relationship, there are normally two big obstacles that we have to overcome:
- One person is trying to resolve and improve the relationship while the other is ignoring the problem
- The communication between both people is so broken that the possibility of bringing up a conversation about working on their relationship feels extremely overwhelming and scary
With communication being the NUMBER ONE cause of relationship breakups, this isn’t surprising and I understand how difficult these barriers can be to overcome. This is why I created my ‘Relationship Reconnect Letter’ to help you both with taking the first step in overcoming those painful communication barriers and starting to make time for you and your relationship.
Your Relationship Reconnect Letter
A massive part of changing how you and your person feel about each other is down to how you communicate with each other and changing how you communicate with each other is how you will start your journey to reigniting that flame! Sounds easy right? Not so much, as you have probably been in a rut for a number of years now and with that means…we need to reprogram your immediate responses and reactions to one another.
You see it is a skill that needs to be taught/learnt, it doesn’t just happen, we don’t just magically reprogram overnight we need education and guidance on how to have healthy conflict. With my support I have seen hundreds of couples gain back their passion and respect for each other by learning the art of ‘connection during conflict’.
To get started, download a copy of my ‘Relationship Reconnect Letter’ which will support you in taking the first step towards working on regaining the love you once had for one another. This template will teach you how to write a letter (or a text) to your lover, explaining how you love them and how you want to feel and what you need from the relationship in an way that removes judgment, blame and helps get you both talking in a safe and guided way. Once you complete your ‘Relationship Reconnect Letter’ we suggest that you ask your person to do the same. Honestly, you will be pleasantly surprised at what a difference this first step makes to your relationship!
What difference can coaching make to my relationship?
We are sold love and relationship everywhere from music, movies, reality tv, but no one has taken the time to teach us how to actually DO a healthy, nourishing and connected relationship. It’s one of the hardest things in the world, the statistics tell us this.
By working with a coach to identify those unhealthy behaviours and poor communication traits that you have both picked up over time, you can begin to rebuild your relationship so that it is STRONGER and BETTER than ever. Coaching will teach you both to:
- How to get below the red mist and figure out what emotion is fuelling your frustration/anger
- Hold space for each other
- Actually hear each other
- Understand what your person needs from you
- How to argue in a healthy and producitve way
- How to apologise well and be accountable for your mess ups
- How to fill the relationship cup and how to see your relationship as its own living thing that need cared for and nurtured
I want every couple to have:
- Great sex
- Great connection
- Great arguments
- Great communication
And it is possible! Are you ready to do the work? Is your relationship worth saving?
Where Do I Start?
This depends on your personal circumstances and the work that you have done to date. If this is your first attempt at working on your relationship, I recommend starting with my Relationship Coaching Online Course – Revive. For individuals who are solely focused on self development and growth, check out my Life Coaching Course as this is designed specifically for self work.
My Services
Standalone Relationship Courses
Here you will find specific courses related to specific relationship problems, a great place to start if you know what your main relationship problems are and want to jump right in to exploring what they mean and how to resolve them.
You can get back to being happy and in love again!
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