So here I am on my way to see Lara, my daughter, who is studying Art in Newcastle – I’m not talking about County Down here. I’m talking wheels-up, jumping on a flight and city hoppin’ on outta here over to Newcastle upon Tyne.
Now I know you might be reading this and thinking, “So, she’s getting a flight on her own, what’s the big deal?”
To me this is a huge deal! You see Nige and I have been together since we were 18 so there wasn’t a lot of time for self development and I fell into a pattern of co-dependency. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I loved it! What’s not to love about feeling like a Princess? I was lifted and laid! Nige took care of everything. I never had to worry about anything, where the passports lived, what we were doing or where we were going and most of the time this worked beautifully. Nige loves certainty and taking care of details and I got used to relying on him to take care of all that stuff too.
But, this is where we need to talk about co-dependency versus emotional support.
Nige did such a great job of looking after me and taking care of all of us that I found myself relying on him for everything and over time I guess I lost confidence in my own abilities. Through no fault of his, even though I love being in this partnership, I forgot that I’m actually a whole person capable of giving myself approval and permission. I used to literally follow him around the house seeking his approval! Dear God, when I think of it now – and it gets worse.
When I didn’t get the approval I was after I would actually huff! So, you can see how this situation was less than ideal for both of us.
My self worth was low. I was his other half, not my own person. Let me tell you I couldn’t have done this five years ago. I couldn’t have gone anywhere without him as I had become totally dependent on him. He was my world and I was just a weird co-dependent shell of myself.
I like this version of me MUCH better.
Fast forward to today, after a ton of work and a whole lot of money, I’m breezing through the airport with the waft of a confident, independent jet-setting lady.
Get out of my way, I’ve a flight to catch don’t you know?
Got places to be and people to see!
I’m SO damn proud of myself.
And Nige is proud of me too!
He and the kids are still my world but now my own world and my self worth is SO much bigger, brighter and healthier than ever before.
He’s been on his own journey of self development but that’s a different story for a different day.
We are now TWO whole people, building a beautiful relationship together.